Hunting me

Hammering the head against the wall,
filling face with blood,
popping the veins out,
ripping heart out of chest, but
I am on the run to hunt myself.
Jumping into those blue waters,
watching everything go dark,
sensing them around
signalling to leave the place, but
I am on the run to hunt myself.
Wandering across the distant land,
meeting with the drifters,
listening to those desperate cries,
feeling the agitation in the air, but
I am on the run to hunt myself.
Entering into the colosseum,
listening to the chanting names,
struggling with irons,
observing those coming spears, but
I am on the run to hunt myself.
Lying in the cradle,
hearing her sing,
dreaming with eyes wide open,
attempting to get out, but
I am just an infant.
0B56 DC8B 47E6 E3DA AAC5  EE9B DC0F A6F7 8693 8511

When I’m on roads

When I’m on roads,
I see big trucks, I see little cycles,
Chasing each other,
I’m so frightened when a hole is missed on roads.

When I’m on roads,
I see lights, I see dark,
Moving away like I’m a criminal,
I’m so frightened when I see red on roads.

When I’m on roads,
I see smiles, I see tears,
Fighting each other,
I’m so frightened when I see jam on roads.

When I’m on roads,
I see a mare, I see a bier,
Mocking at each other,
I’m so frightened when I find water on roads.

When I’m on roads,
I see football, I see hockey sticks,
Loosing respect in the hearts,
I’m so frightened when I’m forced to stop on roads.

When I’m on roads,
I hear blessings, I hear imprecates,
Bringing life on earth,
I’m so frightened when I’m lying on roads.

0B56 DC8B 47E6 E3DA AAC5  EE9B DC0F A6F7 8693 8511

Lights Out!

Close your eyes & you found out,
you see,
but world revolves with a doubt,
light is gone, life is gone,
all that remains is a mark of clout.

I miss those days when I walk about,
Had a peace of mind that
I am trying to figure out,
and heard a voice “come about”,
but the next moment I was, totally, freaked out.

I saw when water fell out,
but as if I knew,
blood will burn out,
My heart shouts, when lights are out.

I could see them building a route,
does that mean she is gonna walkout?
I see the men cry out, the girls cry out,
this world is running out,
Thy mighty love, O God, help us out.

0B56 DC8B 47E6 E3DA AAC5  EE9B DC0F A6F7 8693 8511

I came to know, I am in Gurgaon

Temperature Stats:
Room: 21 Degree Celsius
Outside: 27 Degree Celsius
My mind: 48 Degree Celsius

Can you even imagine how furiously I am burning from inside? No you can’t! Unless it happens with you, god forbid!
I didn’t have any idea, what kind of hell ‘that girl‘ must’ve been going through, till now.  I totally understand there is no comparison. These moments have torn apart my self-esteem literally. What happened? So …

We were damn hungry, so plan was to go out & get something to eat. Abhinav had a meeting but that has just got postponed, so he left office with me too.  As soon as, we reached to the nearest metro station, it had been decided to get dinner directly. So that was it. On another note,  I was quite happy because I successfully recovered my phone after 15 hours hard work & got ICS on it. Well, I must say, I had no idea it’s all going to fade in few minutes. Gurgaon is place holding up variety of people & 90% of them has no idea what & why they are doing it, and the reason is they are drunk. So as I & him was discussing about halabol & stuff, we encountered 5 out of those 90% assholes to be exact. You know, it is very rare to see stars in the sky of gurgaon due to all that dust & pollution, but I just saw many, awesome, isn’t it? I can bet, you will see too after getting slapped so tightly many times. I can’t remember exact number but it should be around 5-7, oh no, not stars, to calculate stars multiply with 4-5 I guess, so it comes out around 35. Well dude, 35, so rare in this bloody sky.

They took away lots of money + phone worth INR [ do you really need this much of detailing? ], they wanted more [that includes our machines + another phone]. Here they go, one more shot right away on my left cheek, “give us your bloody mobile” I was like okay take it, but then next moment, dude I ain’t gonna give you, I just installed new os on it, & haven’t tested it yet. So I pushed those 3 people a little bit & then ran for the life, for the misery, for the absolution that would never come. We always run away from our problems, so that’s kinda our habit 🙂 And I am very good at it. I don’t know, he said later, this ‘run’ helped his legs to get some confidence & run too. So we kinda get rid of them after getting assaulted/robbed/kicked, & then asked for help to nearest fu***ng security guard, he said “I can’t leave, I am on my duty.”  WTF! So I arranged a bamboo somehow & then went onto same path, this is called being heroic,  see if we can find them, but in vain. He called police, & they said, “Why do you keep such expensive phones”,  just like “why do girls get out after 8 pm?”  And rest is history.

So was it amazing? You have no idea.  Is sitting in an a.c. room & writing an article, doing all that shitty talks about ‘how to make this place safe’ is enough? [ And finally, I don’t think, there is any point in repeating all that police, guard shit topic 🙂 ]

We can do two things either keep pouring in all this blood shit or can fight? I don’t know, whether I am the right person for doing any of this, but I am sure, next time anything like this happens => I am not gonna give up so easily or may be I can,  I just don’t know the future for god sake, but I am not. Whatever it takes, I know, I have to fight so I can die peacefully someday 🙂 [ Everyone is mortal, C’mon don’t tell me you didn’t know that. ]

We were no more hungry.
Please, live & let live 😦

Motivation to achieve something significant or Grapes are sour

Well How should I start, quite perplexed & yet don’t know the reason.

As they say, “There are two most important days in your life, when you were born & the other when you discover why you were born?” I think when you stay silent whether you stays for a minute or for hours, it’s not some general random thoughts that pops up into your mind.

“It’s personal choice, startups are hard.” And I was like damn I really am not in right position to comment/say anything. Well I never actually started anything so awesome.

“Startups are doomed to fail, it’s a risk, big risk.” I was like nothing is more fun than this, a great learning source, you get fame too & all that glitters. But it’s actually other way round.

“How much you work is not about you are increasing it’s success chance, but it’s about how much you are reducing it’s failure chance.”, he added. So does that mean, “You have to work to icnrease success chance to reduce failure chance, so is’nt it same?” “Actually not, 90% chances are that your startup will fail, now all you gotta do is to reduce this percentage.” Being naive is not bad thing but thinking that 90% chances are that you will succeed & working for 10% to increase that chances, that’s wrong. He was quite right actually. I never seriously thought about it.

Another thing that lies under all this but utterly important motivation. “Motivation to make a successful business”, but is it really a motivation? This looks pretty much like a goal, but it’s not actually. In other words, the thing that should “motivate is to see successful business some day, not that parents will be happy, friends will cheer for you, get fame & rich etc etc this is greed, change your motive.” That doesn’t mean this couldn’t be movtivation for someone, but not in real world a greed could be source of motivation. If you are working with someone that’s key point.

“You know my friend life’s a roller coaster with ups & downs.” Roller coaster is fun always but life’s not, moreover roller coasters’ ups & downs doesn’t effect other’s life but in real your ups & downs may do so. Well does that mean “it’s a different roller coaster with strings attached.” You get vibration at other end, if some unusual activity happens at this end. Day dreaming is somewhat different than keeping your motivation constant & focused. You may end up thinking grapes are sour or can be consistent to achieve your ultimate desire.

And I still don’t understand what would it take to get anything real out of my life, or it is just all about sticking to your goal that should also be your motivation. So does that mean if motivation & goal are different, you are dead? How it is different from self-actualization? When you try to convert those negative 90% into positive 90% but still just following remaining 10%, can it be desribed as motivation or when you are hungry & do what it takes to diminish your hunger? Motivation is not about being optimistic or be confused with emotion.“Motivation” to do something that arises from the intent of I can do something to “make the world a better place” is beautiful.

The motivation to do a startup has to be right. Motivation is whether you are ready to commit whatever it takes for an unknown time whatever be the result. Fire-fly burning in a fire, itself is a live/dead example of motivation, I think.

So this all started with a conversation between me & him.

Dude, I better hurry.

Blog Stats

This is actually very hard thing to do, for me at least, to get some time out & write Some things which I am thinking all the way down from no matter how long, may be a couple of years or months or weeks or days or hours or minutes or even seconds … but always when I start writing it’s fun to me. How fun, like I rarely see what I am typing because I can’t really do two things at a time either I can think or write or stare at the monitor to check spellings or type, of course [but typing doesn’t matter much] … so what I basically do is, close my eyes & start writing whatever comes into my mind , this way I can concentrate more on my thinking rather than my typing so that I  can write quickly & better, of course.
So this way I can save few minutes which I will surely waste somewhere else :-P. Anyways I am not pro blogger and I don’t wanna be either, because then I will loose fun part basically.

These are just some of blog’s stats :

  • 1,658 views all-time
  • 12 views today
  • 48 views on your busiest day,  April 25, 2010Posts: 34Comments: 1

    Categories: 4

    Tags: 44

    Site subscriptions: 3 active subscribers

    Comment subscriptions: 0 subscribers, 0 subscriptions

    That’s quite low but I told na, I am neither a pro blogger nor a regular one but trying to be, now … 🙂 I dream to get loads of comments & visitors one day too 😉 It is said na, “Someday we gonna rise up on that wind you knowSomeday we gonna dance with those lions.” But sometimes I think, “Dude, it’s been more than two years & you wrote only this much, bus etna hi… shame on you:-D.” There are people like skbohra who get around same number of views I have total in few hours :-). Then I think miles to go before I sleep.  Touch-wood 🙂 feeling sleepy zzz…


2nd april, Saturday,
Let me close my eyes & try to feel that music again that was beating across my heart when in that over ball crossed boundary & everyone was shouting like hell that one is barely able to hear his own voice. I never heard that kinda coordination before really astounding one. When you continually hear so loud same pitch sound for too long, your ears lost their hearing sensibility & we went out of the world to celebrate the moment of historical victory over Sri Lanka. People say, “God Rama in the form of Sachin got victory over Lanka again.” Really that was moment was like I want to live again. People were falling upon each other, singing, shouting [ some were trying to shout ( Why trying, shout continuously 15-20 Mins you will know! ) ], flash of cameras, crying, dancing, smell of bear in the air & that sound coming out of all the voices was, I can’t really explain. It was worth feeling. I’m feeling lucky. Indian Cricket Team did it eventually 😉 After T-20 now, We are world champions. Man awesome! While waving flag, I felt like I am flying with it. Freakishly addictive. Sachin zindabad, vande matram, dhoni zindabad & even poonam pandey zindabad etc were the slogans in the air.As the Ravi Shastri said, “Now let’s call upon …” Everyone was again out of control & he humbly said,”Thank you all for your support.” [ What a magnificant attitude, truely! ] Do I had to write name of that person? And as soon as the closing ceremony went off, everyone around start yelling & around 150 students were on roads within 2-3 minutes marching for one nation, for their happiness, for the one team, for the one game that binds whole nation in one thread, for the eternal victory, for the gift given to Great God of Cricket by his team-mates, for the love, for the life, for me, for you & for everything around us.
This was the best part & the worst part is ICC played with our emotions handing the fake WC Trophy to India and the person who did this is none other than an Indian, president of ICC “Sharad Power” such a shame for India. What the F*** that guy really is? I ask people, “Why burn pupet of him, just burn him down!” ICC has played with our emotions, with our hearts, with the people who did so hard work to get that cup, with the one guy who waited all his life to kiss that cup once. If Sachin really wanted to kiss fake trophy? I would suggest that president not to walk on indian roads else people will crush your bones, trust me. Those people have anger that you can’t even imagine. I really not in mood to write more about this insane scandel but like to slap that guy once.



    Everyone must have seen ups & downs in his life . It’s different matter that only a few can make rules regulations in their life regarding dos & don’s .Some people whom I know lives their lives with the belief “What is life for me?” They have some reasons which we can either accept or deny & out of them what we find appropriate there is no harm in accepting them. If we even make 10 things out of all these the basic rule of our life, trust me there will be a drastic change in your life visible even to blind. .
  • Life is not easy but above of all this this is good .
  • Whenever you’re stuck, pick up a small step.
  • Life is so short & so it has no time to waste in hating someone.
  • Whenever you are ill, your work will not look after you. Instead of ,your friends & parents will be with you . So stay in contact.
  • Pay your credit bill monthly on time.
  • It’s not at all necessary that you will win in every debate. So be ready to accept your nonacceptance even.
  • Cry with others. Far better than crying alone.
  • It’s good to be angry with GOD . HE will accept it too .
  • From your first income start saving a little for your retirement.
  • When it comes to chocolate , all refusals becomes past .
  • Walk with your past keeping peace & calm & it’ll never bug you again .
  • It’s not bad to cry in front of your children.
  • Don’t compare yourself with others because you don’t know how he has reached to that place or how much has he suffered to be there?
  • If you like to keep any relation secret than it’s good not to fall in that .
  • An Eye wink can change the world but no worries because GOD do not wink His eyes .
  • Take a long & deep breathe, it will help in making heart & mind calm.
  • Useless or the things which make you sad , get rid of theme asap.
  • The situation which can’t kill you , actually make you much more stronger .
  • Time is not yet gone to spend happy childhood , it’s still in your hand , do for others childhood .
  • When it’s about love & likings in your life , don’t turn your face .
  • Every day is so special, so don’t wait for some special day . Spend every days as special day with your dear ones.
  • Flow with the speed of time.
  • Don’t wait for tomorrow for enjoyment.
  • Mind is the best friend & enemy choose yourself what should you do ?
  • No one can make you happy except yourself .
  • Ask yourself about the problems & difficulties you face,”What will be the effect of it after five years ?”
  • Always choose the life .
  • Forgive everyone .
  • It’s not your work what other think about you.
  • Time can fill all wounds , so give some time to time.
  • Remember how good or bad situation is , it’s not going to be same forever.
  • Do not take yourself so serious because others too do not take you so.
  • Believe in miracles.
  • Do not audit your life .
  • Your children has only get one childhood.
  • In the end , the thing that is important is how many people loves you.
  • Get out everyday, lots of miracles waiting for you.
  • Best is yet to come .
  • Life can’t be bounded , it is invaluable gift .

I walk alone

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

The pieces of my heart are missing you

The face I came to know is missing too

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok

I miss you

I hope this new year won’t give me any more shocks 😉 I have already faced many unexpected things happening to me , why  THY holy do this ! But now People sometimes says I have someone to share things with or even this blog , LOL really can this piece of codes make me feel calm & composed as I was before ..never !I actually never expected anyone to listen me but that was only ‘ ‘you’ with whom I expected only . Now I have no1 again till you come back 😦 THY please quit playing games with my heart !

Last night was so restless but now feeling good because the best thing happened to me is these all things made me emotionless till Unknowns & that is even a bit good for me .

I hope my journey to home will help me to forget me what I lost in last days, just a hope :D. But Still I am waiting for ‘YOU’ to be here & will do till Unknowns because I trust ‘YOU’  & myself too that I am not so weak that are the emotions that has been grounded not me .After all ‘YOU’ make me strong 😉

The only one that I have ever known Don’t know where it goes But it’s home to me  and I again walk alone …till Unknowns .


“u ll live ur lyf to d fullest” These were the words said to me by cute one,#breathe 😉 One more thing was said to me is to see          “3 IDIOTS” by 2 IDIOTS of my life & the 3rd one is me. One is my former friend actually classmate & second one is the same cute one who gave me that free advice.

That cute one is most incredible, unbelievable person I have ever met in my life & I think no one matches the attitude that cute one has .

Just watch 3 IDIOTS,a good one ! I suggest all that one should always listen to cute one because cute one’s are mostly right.I was just fighting for the my mood but this movie help a little bit to control over my emotions & think that v ll be in front of each other soon again . May be all is well !